Holding On, Letting Go

Hey there! It's been a little while, eh? Things have been busily rolling along in the Monkey House. I  finally opened up my Etsy Shop. You can visit me there sometime. Buy all the stuffs!

So, this morning my biggest girl and her daddy left early to get on a plane and fly to see his mom, sister, and niece and nephews. They'll only be gone for a few days.

I am actually looking forward to the time I will have with Owl one-on-one, something she's never had. I wonder what she will think when she doesn't have to share me! I wonder if she will miss her sister, or just think it is all one long day with lots of naps and sissy is still at preschool. I know she will miss her daddy. She delights in the moment he comes home and would push me over just to get to him, yelling "Dada!" 13 months old and totally wrapped around his finger, I know he will miss her too.

Early this morning I woke up to Gorillaman beginning to stir and move about. At some point in the night Squirrel had come to our bed. I felt for her and pulled her close, her big body curling into a familiar spot in my side, her head resting softly on my breast. And I choked back a sob thinking that this would be the first time we've been parted for so long, so far away. Three and a half years old and going on another great adventure.

As I held her, I remembered being on the receiving end of that very same snuggle. I have very strong memories of my mother cradling me on one side and my brother on the other. She always smelled good and was warm and soft. I always felt safe there. I can still hear her voice as she sang us songs to go to sleep. Those are the same songs that I sing and hum to my children as I cradle them into the similar curve of my body.

So, this morning I held my sleeping girl, her sister on the other side. And I felt deeply connected with the generations of mothers past who have stolen moments to hold their babies for so short a time. The lump in my throat has yet to fade.

I have heard sneering voices whisper to me that she'll never walk if I don't put her down. She'll never sleep in her own bed. She'll never wean. You're making her clingy. Well, she runs! She sleeps well anywhere. She weaned and now her favorite food is purple cabbage. And she's going with her daddy on a brave new adventure so many states away, without me. Never doubt that this little person who sings (and dances to!) Gangnam Style and has giant feet will always be my baby, but she is fiercely independent. There is nothing wrong with holding your baby.

She woke up with a smile on her face, as usual. She excitedly talked in her deep, sleepy voice about all the things she was going to tell her cousins. She hugged and kissed her puppy, our 1 year old English Bulldog, who wiggled with delight. She giggled while Gorillaman said a prayer for everyone's safety with a roll in her mouth, leaving little crumbs at her feet. She gave me a hug and a kiss... and then she was gone. A little part of my heart went with her.

I will miss this little person who incessantly talks, or sings, or screams at her sister. I will really miss her. Sunday can't come soon enough.

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas!

This year I am trying not to put too much on my plate. In past years I have felt overwhelmed, then disappointed, when I have so much planned to do and then don't get to all of it. I am definitely giving myself the space to enjoy this season. It's especially rewarding and sort of zen. 

Here in the Monkey House, Christmas preparations are underway. This is really the first year that Squirrel Monkey can help with making cookies and building ornaments and coloring pictures for family members. It's really very exciting to be discovering all of this with her. 

Here are her first ornaments. Just a couple of old fashioned clothespins we found at Michael's Craft. She painted them brown then I helped her hot glue the rest. These are going to find a special home with some of our family members this year. :)

We had fun doing the Christmas Stroll in our tiny town (of 800 people!) Here we are asking Santa and Mrs. Claus for a pony, but not like Applejack because she already has Applejack, and Twilight Sparkle, she has that one too. Lol! Squirrel really loved going on the horse-drawn carriage. At the end of the night she got over-stimulated and had a complete screaming meltdown over a bowl of chili. We need to remember to watch for the signs of her getting this way so that we can head home before it happens next time. We have always been pretty good about understanding her sensitivities. But that night we missed the window. Later, at home, she told us it was too loud, too bright, and too many people. Lesson learned.

We tried a new recipe for our Christmas cookies using cake mix - and my Grandmother's antique cookie cutters! So easy even Squirrel (3.5 years old) could do it almost by herself. Just a little bit of help cracking the eggs and measuring the butter and she was set. Oh, she also needed a little help transferring the cut cookies to the sheet pan. We found this recipe on Pinterest... of course! Follow me!

The recipe comes from GoodenessGracious.com The post is here. They were delicious and beautiful, easy to make, and give you lots of options for flavors. Pictured above is "Party Rainbow Chip" flavor. We found that cake mixes have shrunk, by as much as 3 ounces since the original recipe was made. So we needed to add about a cup of flour to cut down on the stickiness. I also didn't add any vanilla to mine and they taste great without it. These are the best cookie cutter cookies I have ever made (and I'm not a great baker so that's not saying much!) But they are so good it makes it seem like I'm an awesome baker! They barely spread and hold their shape well. And you only need four ingredients; cake mix of your choice (so far we have made and loved cherry chip, party rainbow chip, and yellow), 1/2 cup of butter, two eggs, and some flour. Make sure you follow the advice to refrigerate for at least an hour before cutting. I do plan to ice them. Know any good royal icing recipes? :) Then we're going to hand them out to our local friends and acquaintances, Squirrel's teacher's, etc. Tonight we plan to make the lemon ones at the bottom of that post. I'm so excited to try those. 

Making cookies with the girls, putting up our tiny 3 foot tree, starting new traditions like the paper chain advent calendar... all these things are helping us all to enjoy this season together with as little stress as possible. 

I'll leave you today with a little spiritual thought...

"The real Christmas comes to him who has taken Christ into his life as a moving, dynamic, vitalizing force. The real spirit of Christmas lies in the life and mission of the Master...

"If you desire to find the true spirit of Christmas and partake of the sweetness of it, let me make this suggestion to you. During the hurry of the festive occasion of this Christmas season, find time to turn your heart to God. Perhaps in the quiet hours, and in a quiet place, and on your knees - alone or with loved ones - give thanks for the good things that have come to you, and ask that His Spirit might dwell in you as you earnestly strive to serve Him and keep His commandments" (Howard W. Hunter, "The Real Christmas," Ensign, Dec 2005, 22-25).

And happy 12/12/12!

~MMM

Deck the Halls!

Well, Thanksgiving is over. I managed to not gain any weight. Woo! We spent Thanksgiving at a friend's house, which meant that all I was in charge of cooking was the turkey, my famous totally-delicious-but-totally-bad-for-you-mac-n-cheese, and my stepmom's glorious three bean salad. Everything on the table was SO good and I stuffed myself silly. Then we braved Black Friday and went to a few stores to get a jump on Christmas shopping. It was insane... especially with two kids under 4. Mostly, we ended up just buying things online. Remember to shop from small business and buy handmade as much as you can this year. Do what you can for the economy and help the little guy this year!

Now that we've passed this holiday, we're on to the next one! My favorite...

Christmas!

We lost most of our decorations in the flood that filled our basement with 3 feet of water. Luckily we haven't accumulated much yet since we have only been together for 4 years. But, so that Squirrel Monkey could take part this year, I made a tree out of foam sheets that she could decorate by herself. She's having a blast starting and stopping when she pleases, slowly turning the bare tree into a festive decoration!

Also, this year, we started a new tradition of an advent paper chain. Each day has an activity to get us in the Christmas Spirit. I included activities such as, bake cookies, get family packages and cards together and send, color a Christmas picture, drink hot chocolate, watch a Christmas movie, wrap presents, drive around and look at lights, make Christmas decorations, call Grandparents and sing a Christmas song, do a random act of kindness, etc. I love this idea. We'll keep reporting on how it's going as we work through the days. Squirrel is super excited!

This is a little off topic for this post, but I made some boiled eggs to go with our dinner tonight and upon seeing this on my counter I had to snap a picture. Aren't they beautiful? I'm awfully thankful for friends with too many eggs from their lovely chickens. Nothing like free-range and local! :) And there's truly nothing like having friends who share their bounty. That speckled egg in the middle is just gorgeous!!

~MMM

Snow Life Like This Life

Here in Northern Montana we got about 2 feet of snow this week. We have all had colds, some puking from the littlest Monkey, sinus infections, and general all-around uckiness. As I get better, I will start posting more. As a mom, right now I am tied down by an aggressively-snuggly preschooler, an ever-nursing baby, and a pitifully under-appreciated hubby. I'm ready for life to get back to abnormal!

~MMM

Fluffy Bum

When Squirrel Monkey was born my mom offered to buy us some cloth diapers to get us started. I balked because I was afraid that they would be too hard. Then I met some really awesome mamas who diapered their kids in these cute, soft, easy-to-use, adorable, fluffy, wonderfulness. Not the pre-folds, pins, and rubber pants your momma used. I asked my mom if her offer was still on the table and she responded by giving us the amazing gift of 18 BumGenius 3.0's and we were hooked. I had issues with cleaning and rashes so I didn't do it full-time. (I now know that those rashes were a milk sensitivity in Squirrel. More on that in a future post.) 

Here we are on our second kid. Disposable diapers are so expensive. We were spending about $60 a month on something we just throw in the trash. When you live on one income, you do what you can to save money. So when a friend of mine offered for me to buy her entire stash of cloth diapers I jumped on it. Honestly, it did us both a favor. Her two sweeties are now potty trained so she didn't need them anymore. And luckily, cloth diapers maintain their value for a long, long time. So I ended up buying her stash for about $3 per diaper. Great, right?! Some of them will eventually need help with a little elastic or just general sewing upkeep. But I counted this as a great deal. My favorites from her stash are the FuzziBunz.

Yep. That's snow. In mid-October...

So now we have Owl Monkey in cloth almost full time. I've finally found the right washing regimen. I sun my diapers whenever I can. This kills any ickies that could grow on them and also banishes stains. We tried to do cloth at night and found that we woke up wet 3 nights in a row no matter how full I stuffed that puppy with soakers. Per Gorillaman's pleading request, we bought another box of diapers which, using them only at night, should last us over 3 months. I'm loving seeing that fluffy bum crawling around the house. Fluff (cloth) feels better - so soft, looks better - we have a corduroy Tinkerbell diaper!, and smells better - no more chemically pee smell. 

Pretty much, once you get in a routine with your cloth diapers you can work out all the kinks easily. Now that I (nearly) know what I'm doing, it's fun! Once again, I feel like a part of that secret group of moms who know. *Wink wink* I'll teach you the secret handshake later.

Kitty nap-time snuggles

Squirrel's UPDATE: She's healing well now. Tomorrow we visit the doctor for her two week follow-up and I expect he will be pleased with her progress. 

Snoring and sleep-breathing has improved greatly!

Our Experience With Outpatient Surgery With a Three Year Old

This little person is my everything. She is the reason I became who I am. She is my mothering-inspiration. My first baby. You know her as Squirrel Monkey. She's amazing. But for some reason, God decided to give this little person a BIG personality... and some gigantic tonsils.

Ever since she was a newborn she has had trouble breathing because of her tonsils and adenoids. Part of the reason why I started sleeping with her (co-sleeping) was because I was so afraid she'd stop breathing sometime when I wasn't there to touch her, rouse her, and start her back up again. No one knew how bad it was until they saw firsthand and then they were freaked out by this tiny body snoring so loudly. She rivaled Hammy, our bulldog! So we've been talking for at least a year with her doctor about getting them removed and finally we found an ENT who was in our network who does T & A's (Tonsillectomy & Adenoidectomy) on 3 year olds! Whew! He was still 3.5 hours drive away from us, but we knew it would be worth the drive.

On Tuesday we drove to Helena after Gorillaman got off work. The girls were pretty good for the drive. Squirrel Monkey was really excited to stay in the hotel, and since we had been preparing her for this for about a month (telling her what to expect, what she would feel like after, how the surgery would help her, etc.) she was excited to get her tonsils out. Every now and then she would tell me, "I want my snorin' gone!"

The next morning we got up early. Squirrel Monkey wanted to eat but she wasn't allowed to so we distracted her. We got checked in at the hospital at 7:30 but then had to wait (more distracting... read iPhone games, Dora,  and glove balloons!) until 9:30. I was under the impression that I would be allowed to go with her to get the gas so that I would be there as she fell asleep. At the last minute the nurse said, "Oh, they didn't tell you that you couldn't come back here?" Um. no. They didn't. I bit back my tears and told my brave little girl that the nurse would take care of her and I would see her in no time. She hugged me and got wheeled off in a too-big bed, without even looking back - her next adventure. I cried.

Gorillaman, with Owl Monkey in the Mei Tai (Happy International Babywearing Week! Men wearing their babies... so sexy! Anyway...) and I went back to the waiting room. Then I decided I couldn't sit still, so we walked down to the cafeteria and got a drink and came back up to wait again. 20 minutes later we got a phone call from the doctor. She was done! The surgery took 15 minutes. Amazing.

He said we would probably get to see her in 30-45 minutes! What?! I wanted to hold my baby! I went to the nurse, apologized for being so aggravating (she said I wasn't, but what worried mom isn't a little frustrating to a busy nurse, right?), and told her, knowing my child, that she would be better off if I could be there as soon as possible. She said she'd tell the recovery nurses to come get me as soon as they could. Back to waiting.

Finally a nurse came to get me and we went up to the 4th floor to where Squirrel Monkey was coming out of anesthesia. On the way up the nurse said she did well and that she hadn't heard her cry yet, but when I walked into the room she was thrashing around on the bed a bit and starting to cry. I picked her up and held her close and she pointed into her mouth a few times. I just said, "I know, your throat hurts doesn't it? I know, mommy's here." The nurse was great. She got her some pain medicine and put it in her IV and within moments she was calming down and settling in to snuggle. She helped me untangle from all the cords, IV and blankets, got me a chair, and helped me settle in with Squirrel Monkey. Then she talked with me about how great it is that I stay home with my kids. She shared with me that she only worked part time when her kids were little so that she could be home with them as much as possible. She was really impressed with Squirrel Monkey. :) Proud mama moment #1.

In a little while we had to go to Squirrel Monkey's recovery room in pediatrics. I carried her. Once we were settled in on the bed I started feeling better. She snoozed on me for about an hour, complying when I asked her if she could take a drink of water. Nodding when I said, "Are you doing ok?" When she finally woke all the way up she ate some jell-o, then some pudding, drank some apple juice, then she ate her obligatory ice cream! Chocolate of course. A few hours later, when it was time to leave, she was wheeled out of the hospital in a very special wagon. She said she felt like a princess. The peds nurse was super. She was so sweet and comforting. She told us a number of times how great Squirrel Monkey was doing. We heard horror stories along the way from both this nurse and the woman at the front desk at our hotel how their kids had cried and screamed for hours after their tonsillectomies and how they couldn't be calmed down. Squirrel Monkey didn't cry or even complain after the anesthesia wore off. She's such a trooper. 

Even the anesthesiologist came in a coupe of times to check on her and told us how great she was. Apparently he was having her "start up" the gas machine and he told her, "Wow, you're doing great! Did you practice this before?" And he told us she said, "Yeah." Lol! Proud mama moment #2. :)

All the while, little sister, Owl Monkey (see why I call her that?) was waiting so patiently. She wanted to play with Sissy so badly, but Gorillaman did an amazing job of keeping her happy throughout the whole thing. Thank goodness for a helpful and understanding partner!

We're so glad it's behind us! My advice would be:

• Prepare your kid ahead of time. Talk in positive and kid-friendly, but matter-of-fact terms. They understand so much more than we give them credit for.
• Bring along whatever comforter items the child uses. We decided not to bring Squirrel Monkey's paci (we were hopeful that this would be the impetus to give it up, actually). That turned out to be a bad choice since she wanted it afterward and was a little upset that it was back at the hotel. Ellie, her soft elephant did come in handy both before and after. 
• Hold your baby! Human touch is awesome. Do whatever you have to do to get tummy-to-tummy immediately. I think this is especially comforting and healing when the child is used to this sort of care from infancy. 
• Have a supportive partner/family member nearby, but aware that the mother needs to be the primary comfort-giver as much as the child needs her comfort. I needed to hold Squirrel Monkey more than as much as she needed me to. I also made sure to give her special time with Daddy too. 
• Hear her. When Squirrel Monkey was trying to tell me her throat hurt, she was confused, under anesthesia, had numbing stuff in her throat so she couldn't talk, and was in pain. She was telling me by sign (pointing) all of that. I let her know that I could understand and that it was ok by not only my words but my tone. That is important. It calmed her.
• Don't worry! :) Yeah right...
  

The Importance of Touch

Ever since the last post I wrote about not wanting to be touched, I've been thinking about and writing this one in my head. TOUCH...

Some things that infant touch does for mothers according to this book: 

• Maintains lactation. Just by touching us, babies make sure that they have enough food and comfort at the breast. 
• Resets metabolism.
• Suspends menstruation.
• Suppresses hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) feedback. What is that? The very simple answer is that the HPA Axis causes the release of cortisol (the stress hormone). This means that mothers who touch their babies (are touched by their babies) experience lower stress, higher immune function, less inflammation, and less occurrence of mood disorders. The oxytocin that is released during mother-infant touch and nursing are part of that suppression that counteracts stress and facilitates healing. 
• Responsible for less anxiety and better mood.
• Establishes and maintains behavior and keeps mama on the offensive! Babies make you want to protect them.

So what might this mean for mothers who have to be separated from their babies? Whether it be by work, illness, or choice, those mothers will ultimately experience the opposite of these beneficial mechanisms. Breastfeeding will suffer. Pre-pregnancy weight will be harder to achieve. Periods will return early, possibly before mother's body is prepared to maintain another pregnancy. Increased or normal (non-infant touching) HPA function can mean more cortisol. Because of the increased cortisol, those mothers may experience lower immune function, more inflammation, and more postpartum depression (and other mood disorders). Physically/emotionally separated mothers will be less likely to be well bonded with the baby. 
That doesn't mean that mothers who have to be away from their children are bound by physiology to go down this slippery slope. Far from it! Knowing ahead of time, they can make adjustments to maintain physical and emotional closeness whenever mother and baby CAN be together. This isn't an either/or assumption. Sleeping together or close, babywearing whenever possible, nursing when baby is present, finding time after a long day to re-connect with your baby will do wonders to keep these healthy postpartum processes functioning correctly. It seems just holding your baby in your lap decreases anxiety (p. 147).

 The alternative would be choosing to be away from baby for extended periods, sleeping separately, having another caregiver bottle feed, and basically never touching your baby for more than a few distracted moments a day. Processes that negate the mother-baby bond will begin creeping in. And it's natural for our bodies to do that! By practicing anti-instinctive mothering (very popular in Western culture today), mothers are effectively telling their bodies and brains that their baby isn't theirs. No need to protect or feed or feel. That process starts with the separation of mother and child from birth.  It seems that there could be many fewer children being murdered by their mothers or children being neglected if mothers could see and learn more instinctive mothering. I know, I know. No one is going to kill their child if they don't babywear or co-sleep. I'm not trying to sensationalize this. I'm just saying that I wonder how many of those cases could have been avoided if the mother was securely attached to her kids, had an unmedicated and intervention-free birth, shared sleep, nursed on demand, carried her babies, mothered instinctively. I'm positive that there were other factors present. But I believe that by being physically close to our babies we can avoid a lot of physical and emotional pain down the road. 

 Do babies benefit from being touched and responded to?

Not getting enough physical or emotional stimulation causes lasting effects and  changes to the brain, poor social bonding, delayed development, and behavior problems.

Advantages to touching babies include...

• Making them less anxious
• Faster cognitive/physical development
• Faster self-recognition
• Calmer, cry less, more relaxed, and sleep better 

All of this information supports instinctive parenting. Being physically and emotionally present for our babies gives them the best possible chance to succeed in life. They are happier, healthier, and experience less mood disorders than their less touched peers. So all of this is why I make a conscious choice to have intervention-free births whenever possible, exclusively nurse (without bottles) for the first 6 months at least, nurse until age 2 or longer, wear or hold my kids as often as they want and is beneficial for me, and co-sleep until my child is emotionally and physically ready to sleep alone. And I immediately respond to my baby's cries. Truth be told, when you respond to babies, they cry less! (See #6 here.)

"Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs (italics mine), to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live."

~The Family; A Proclamation to the World