So, this morning my biggest girl and her daddy left early to get on a plane and fly to see his mom, sister, and niece and nephews. They'll only be gone for a few days.
I am actually looking forward to the time I will have with Owl one-on-one, something she's never had. I wonder what she will think when she doesn't have to share me! I wonder if she will miss her sister, or just think it is all one long day with lots of naps and sissy is still at preschool. I know she will miss her daddy. She delights in the moment he comes home and would push me over just to get to him, yelling "Dada!" 13 months old and totally wrapped around his finger, I know he will miss her too.
Early this morning I woke up to Gorillaman beginning to stir and move about. At some point in the night Squirrel had come to our bed. I felt for her and pulled her close, her big body curling into a familiar spot in my side, her head resting softly on my breast. And I choked back a sob thinking that this would be the first time we've been parted for so long, so far away. Three and a half years old and going on another great adventure.
As I held her, I remembered being on the receiving end of that very same snuggle. I have very strong memories of my mother cradling me on one side and my brother on the other. She always smelled good and was warm and soft. I always felt safe there. I can still hear her voice as she sang us songs to go to sleep. Those are the same songs that I sing and hum to my children as I cradle them into the similar curve of my body.
So, this morning I held my sleeping girl, her sister on the other side. And I felt deeply connected with the generations of mothers past who have stolen moments to hold their babies for so short a time. The lump in my throat has yet to fade.
I have heard sneering voices whisper to me that she'll never walk if I don't put her down. She'll never sleep in her own bed. She'll never wean. You're making her clingy. Well, she runs! She sleeps well anywhere. She weaned and now her favorite food is purple cabbage. And she's going with her daddy on a brave new adventure so many states away, without me. Never doubt that this little person who sings (and dances to!) Gangnam Style and has giant feet will always be my baby, but she is fiercely independent. There is nothing wrong with holding your baby.She woke up with a smile on her face, as usual. She excitedly talked in her deep, sleepy voice about all the things she was going to tell her cousins. She hugged and kissed her puppy, our 1 year old English Bulldog, who wiggled with delight. She giggled while Gorillaman said a prayer for everyone's safety with a roll in her mouth, leaving little crumbs at her feet. She gave me a hug and a kiss... and then she was gone. A little part of my heart went with her.
I will miss this little person who incessantly talks, or sings, or screams at her sister. I will really miss her. Sunday can't come soon enough.
