Follow me on my journey of discovery... as I try to mesh my monkey tendencies (extended breastfeeding, baby wearing, sleep-sharing, and general all-around crunchiness) with my desire to follow Jesus as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (LDS/Mormon).

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

How I Became a Monkey Mama

May 2009

When I found out I was pregnant with my first baby, I knew I wanted to be a great mom. I didn't know what that meant, but I wanted to be it.

"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new." ~Rajneesh

 I knew I wanted an intervention-free birth. But everyone gets an epidural, right?! Even though I had already labored well at home to 6 cm, I asked for an epidural upon admission to the hospital and the interventions rolled (and rolled, and rolled) after. My experience horrified me. Ever since, I've advocated for medication-free birth whenever possible.

 I knew I wanted to nurse my baby. Squirrel Monkey was a champion nurser with a bad latch, but boy, was she eager! I knew then that breastfeeding was perfect for us. I had no idea I'd do it for the next 2 years. We had many, many hiccups, including almost completely weaning at 14 months due to a torn ligament in my back. But even though every other day I would tell myself I'd be stopping tomorrow, I kept going - for her.

I tried to do the "normal" thing and set up the nursery with the cutest crib and crib bedding. Little did I know, my sweet new daughter would teach me a way better and more natural way of mothering. After a few nights of going to her every time I heard a rustle, sleeping TERRIBLY,  spending hours in the office chair we kept next to her bed, waking bleary-eyed and loathing night time, I took her to bed with me and never looked back. At first, I would place her on a pillow next to me (propped up since she had some apnea issues) with my husband in the other room. I was terrified of hurting her in my sleep. Now I know that it's way safer to sleep with/near your baby. Eventually we turned our crib into a co-sleeper side-car like this. It's wonderful. I recommend it to everyone who fed into the you-need-a-crib crowd. It's way nicer to get some use out of it other than a laundry basket or catch all. Now 3 years later, she still sleeps in it, safe next to us.

I never felt right about letting her cry, so the cry-it-out argument seemed silly to me immediately. At some point we started using cloth diapers (part-time). Then we started eating healthier; more local, more whole, less I-can't-pronounce-those ingredients. Soon I was baby-wearing and avoiding the doctor as much as possible. Then, one day, I looked up. I realized that I wasn't like most of the moms I knew. I fit more with the "crunchy" crowd. And I knew my baby had changed me. We were so in sync that it all made sense. I wanted what she wanted, and what she wanted was natural. I had turned into Monkey Mama!


January 2012
Then in January, we were blessed with the arrival of our second daughter. I'm still learning! Owl Monkey is a much calmer baby. I attribute some of that to practicing from day 1 what I learned with Squirrel Monkey. Even though her birth was induced, I didn't have pain meds and demanded delayed cord-clamping. Nursing is great, minus a couple of plugged ducts along the way. We have slept in the same bed since the hospital. She never spent more than a few moments for a diaper change in that plastic box. I can count the number of times she's cried real tears on my fingers. She's happiest in the Moby Wrap or Mei Tai (ours is a hand-me-down, handmade one). Now, with Owl Monkey, I'm doing a delayed vaccination schedule since the amount of shots they give at one time scares me.

The more I learn, the more I change. Parenting requires bending. You must learn from the past, change for the future, but live in the now. I consider myself a Monkey Mama because I feel a strong kinship with the way that monkeys and apes mother their babies. They are never separated, don't feed artificial food, and mother instinctively. That's my goal.

How does all of this fit in with my faith in God and my morals, values, and standards? Well, that's what this blog is all about. As I struggle to make it all fit, I'll share it here in the hopes of inspiring other LDS (Mormon) moms, and moms of all faiths to do the same. Breastfeeding and modesty. Co-sleeping and sex. How a liberal Mormon copes in a very conservative community. I'll go there, and hopefully you'll go with me.



4 comments:

  1. I love the way you think. SO much like me it's not even funny. I'm hoping for a home birth next time (when ever this is)but I knew what I wanted at my babys' births and what they needed. All were worn and the last one breastfed past a year. I wish longer. Thanks for sharing your story. I'm not having any problems meshing our beliefs with my parenting. I honestly think they go together perfectly! Congrats on your beautiful girls.

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  2. I think they go together well too, but many LDS members seem to have a different style of parenting, in my opinion, and from what I've seen. I think the teachings of the church back up mindful and instinctual parenting and that's what I really love. Talks on things like gentle parenting and the old manuals that teach that breastfeeding is the best choice are really solidifying. Good luck with your home birth! I'd like to get to that point someday too. I would have loved a home birth with my second, but proximity to a hospital was a problem for me (an hour away). Thanks for taking the time to read! :)

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